my my its been a long time since i've blogged! well, as per usual, i've created more trouble, bitten off more than i can chew, cut more cloth than i need, no wait, thats not the right proverb, but it has something to do with cloth...hmm.. anyway,

the ball was alot of fun on last friday, but i was the normal precocious me and i didn't bother to take along my digicam. so i dont have anything to show u, though i can post up some if my friends post any at all. i wore a gorgeous cream-bandeau-ed with ruched sides in a slinky finish to my knees(in black)*whew long sentence :) anyway, i bought the dress VERY VERY last minute.like the day before. thats why i was really glad i found it. but initially i was sooo petulant.heh. i tried on another one in this quaint shop that i absolutely fucking adored but it just WOULD NOT zip up over my bust.grr. it was a toga-styled white Grecian dress that flowed ever so elegantly.it was the most closest thing to which i had ever filled my self-indulgent dreams in my empty little head.boo hoo. anyway, maybe it was God's small chide to me, since it did cost $450 compared to my $190 one.

stanley was to take me to the ball and so off we went with another 6 friends. i enjoyed the no pressure setting because i have no idea how to tell him "u have no chance". he gave me a red rose at the after-party in a bar from a passing-by, walking vendor selling fresh roses :) it was swt.but he gave it to me despite thinking one of my friends, ed was my boyfriend. his exact words? "will your boyfriend mind if i give you this?" haha..i felt sooo guilty becos i cannot open my mouth to enunciate the words of regret and rejection.

so onward we trudge to the gory.

unhappiness nicks at my heart till there is an overflow, outpouring of self-despair. where have the little voices that tug at my heartstrings gone; they abandoned their lair when the devil appeared. for the fearsome monster is too righteous to behold, his temptations are only temptations because i aspire for the wrong things. is that then not his right of way; is the devil not then accurate in his depiction of my wickedness?oh! i do not know what is right or wrong, the line has been blurred, evinced by the wide river that drowns me. i cannot help myself, i know not in which direction to swim. soon, the dirty water shall clog my veins and i will be consumed. only the little voices survive, suffice to say, they feed on another's heart.they have escaped to where they shall be heeded.