today, there was a tiny *bleep on my heart monitor, the little jagged parabola cause i talked t rachel :) haha we actually managed t get our act together and chatted on skype. only for 20mins cos she needed sleep -_- but we're def gg t end up yoga-ing tgt :)) 200 for 3mths, damn worthwhile.

im saving cash for shopping in Sg again. but i still wanna buy a car, makes shopping regretful; "do i really need this?"; exclamations of "how much?!?!?" anyway. transport weighs a heavy burden on my conscience, i do wanna get an old BMW, it looks terribly attractive..

then i whiled my time away reading a novel trilogy on Julius Caesar. funny how,when the exams become more imminent, to be exact less than 20hrs away and i've since lost my fervor that i started out on the start of the week. mind, the exam is the on the unit i HAVENT yet studied for. so busy with economics initially....

i realised writing about intimate issues here have always been full of caution and an internal debate. the people in the kno, i would have no objections to, but others (no offense), couples the wary and sama-sama feeling. but, then again, i dont think many read this blog.lol.

here goes, i plunge headfirst.family is important. u cld b thinking, "who dunno?" but hey, if u kno, and dont do anything constructive, its like not knowing. i often look onto others with envy.they have a full family unit, strong ties. i am not a have-not, but i relish the strong, intimate units.religion is something very erstwhile. many families that choose to advocate a religion,those that have God or Buddha or Allah, looking down upon them, the family chooses to uphold certain values that then pass on to the little ones. it is this that i find them closer to Puritan. of course, i mean that they are usually more morally upright, not all are, but more often than not, if the family advocates a belief, later in life, the little ones who are big now value the same beliefs.essentially,my heart feels envy and i wonder what God has in store for me. Moreover, i have been talking w Ed and the power of redemption and how much God forgoes till he will not take you under his wing anymore.that scares me.what if when the Second Coming occurs and he leaves me behind?or mummy?its such a terrible thought...

perhaps this isnt as pessimistic, compared to condemnation*dry laugh, but i hate being melancholy actually.i always try to be offbeat and happy. why waste time always pitying yourself or being uspet? it seems fruitless. this time round, it seems difficult to keep the ball-and-chain at bay. they attached themselves to my leg and weigh me down, so much so i feel like my face has been ground into the floor. i usually manage to shrug such anxieties off but i think 3 in a row has my tempo going mental. the internal clock swings its hands wildly, is time going backward or forward? am i being pedantic in trying keep up with the on-going , preoccupied world, or is the world slowly losing its patience for me? a million things scream for attention, but i keep getting sucked into a habitual ritual, looking beside me and finding empty space..